A backwards life

Everything is backwards. 

It breaks my heart.

My life is upside down.

I am so busy and preoccupied

With my ultimate goal

And my son looks for my attention

Getting in my face 

during important phone calls

Or while I am applying for 

A job or an apartment 

But I am trying to 

Get things done

Achieve a goal

So I put my hand in his face 

When I am on the phone

I tell him "No"

I cannot watch him

Do that trick

Or dance that dance

I am too busy

But I see the future.

I am desperate 

For my boy's attention

I want him to look at me

spend time with me

Maybe play a game of charades 

Or maybe watch a movie

But he is on the phone 

With his girlfriend 

Or a college admission office

And he is putting his hand 

up in my face

Telling me to go away

That he is to busy

And he is trying 

To accomplish something 

It will break my heart

All over again

Right now, I want 

Nothing more

Than to no longer be

Too busy 

Consumed by my goal

And to just be able to 

Not ever put my hand

In his face and tell him no

I just want to tell him 

Yes

And live right now.