Negus the dragon

Negus the dragon

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

A backwards life

Everything is backwards. 
It breaks my heart.
My life is upside down.
I am so busy and preoccupied
With my ultimate goal
And my son looks for my attention
Getting in my face 
during important phone calls
Or while I am applying for 
A job or an apartment 
But I am trying to 
Get things done
Achieve a goal
So I put my hand in his face 
When I am on the phone
I tell him "No"
I cannot watch him
Do that trick
Or dance that dance
I am too busy
But I see the future.
I am desperate 
For my boy's attention
I want him to look at me
spend time with me
Maybe play a game of charades 
Or maybe watch a movie
But he is on the phone 
With his girlfriend 
Or a college admission office
And he is putting his hand 
up in my face
Telling me to go away
That he is to busy
And he is trying 
To accomplish something 
It will break my heart
All over again
Right now, I want 
Nothing more
Than to no longer be
Too busy 
Consumed by my goal
And to just be able to 
Not ever put my hand
In his face and tell him no
I just want to tell him 
And live right now.

Nothing is permanent

Maybe the trickiest thing 
is that I have magic 
flowing through my fingertips
yet every day
My magic is letting me down
my spells are backfiring
I recently considered 
what if...
I just stop casting?
maybe the magic 
in my spells
would finally take affect?
maybe I should just
blow out the candles
stop drawing my dreams
and just be still.
Maybe I am casting too much
and my power is getting drained
out of my fingertips
My spells are drying up
My spirit is parched
I am casting and casting 
and casting for change
for a better day
I could tell you
why it is just so hard
So hard to continue 
Trying to make a difference
so much seems permanent at the time


Anna Margaret Harris
Born on July first 
A sweet little thing 
She was soft 
With a bit of light 
Covered her body 
A soft swirl 
Of delicate hair 
On her back 
The sweetest 
Fuzz on the tips 
Of her ears 
She was covered 
In hair 
Especially soft hair 
The sweetest, softest 
She was furry 

Pilose adj
Covered with hair, especially soft hair; furry

Monday, April 28, 2014

I Imagine a home

I imagine 
A sweet little house
With just enough space
It has a cozy fireplace 
The cat basks in the warm
There is a comfy chair 
That I can knit in
And the laundry room
Will have nothing on top of the dryer 
There is a small front porch
Just big enough for a swing
And it has hanging plants
And chimes blowing in the wind
A yard just big enough
For a climbing tree
And maybe a tire swing
With a nice dog
Plenty of flowers
There is a space for 
a vegetable garden
And some magical herbs
A handy wheelbarrow 
And a mucky compost pile
A car of my own
That is good in the winter
And a garage for parking
A studio for creating 
All forms of art
My pottery wheel
And a kiln
I teach art classes
To elementary and middle school 
At a school nearby
And classes out of my studio
To all ages of young people
The neighbors are nice
We visit sometimes
Maybe barbecue occasionally 
Or roast marshmallows 
In the backyard fire pit
I have time to spend with my son
He goes to a good school
And has nice friends
My son is involved in
A physical activity
Like karate, soccer, or gymnastics
He has musical studies in his life
Piano, drums, or maybe guitar 
We trick or treat on Halloween
we have creative costumes
Creatively carved pumpkins
Sit on our porch 
We go camping from time
With dancing and chanting
In the moonlight
We live a safe stable life
And we are happy

Wednesday, April 16, 2014


Release the stress
A Yoga class
Pottery, prints, paint
Of any kind
In my own

A Vow

I choose 
As you are
Perfectly imperfect 
I choose 
In the morning
Before coffee
I choose 
With that awful smell
I choose 
Even with a tissue
In your nose
I choose
With all your issues
With your temper
Your anger and pain
I choose 
Who grinds
Your teeth at night
I choose
When money is tight
I choose 
Wrong or right
I choose 
And to you 
I will be true


When I was a little girl 
eating my mud pies, my
bamboo twisted dream
shoots the moon
remember dangling from
the apple trees
man, we had no fear of
who we would become
planted in the grass with
them toes in the dirt

Choose emptiness

You can't insult anyone and expect them not to hurt.
You can't laugh at me and with me at the same time.
You can't say you care when your actions don't follow.
You can't see the love in another's heart when your own heart is hollow.
You can't judge without being judged. 
You can receive forgiveness while holding a grudge.
You can't draw boundaries for others when you cross them all yourself.
You can't love others when you don't love yourself.
You can't take away another's freedom without imprisoning yourself.
You can't give expecting gratitude.
You can't have peace unless you change your attitude.
You can't cry out for peace with blood on your hands.

You can't have two worlds in your hands.

Choose emptiness.

I give up

Age lets you abandon things. Today I give up self loathings.
Feelings of inadequacy, for what I am not offering.
Shame, for improper ways of responding to things that are most challenging.
Tomorrow brings better things.

Lady Bugs

Every year there is a season
When they come by the masses
It is a strange and beautiful thing
I watch where I step 
When I cross the threshold 
So not to harm a single one
Tiny red angelic insects
Make me feel a little bit blessed
Hard little bodies and delicate wings
Tickle my fingertips 
And released into the garden
Such funny little things
Inspire my creativity
Fly away
Off to the sun

Right now.

Ungrateful about my future.
It is such a big hassle.
Because it is so uncertain.
And what about my love?
He deserves so much better,
Much more than I am offering.
He should be a little king
Of his own little castle.
Ungrateful about my future.
Because the fiture I am offering
Is not suitable enough for him.
Who brings joy to my life,
Every day and night.
Ungrateful about my future
Because I am terrified,
That I won't do it right
And some how,
I am plagued so much by my future
That I am missing right now.

Pluvial death

They came by the millions,
And we drove up the mountain
Along the twisted roads that night,
And with little effort, we killed them.
The dark and pluvial conditions
Drew them out by the masses.
It was a sad irony for them.
Emerging from the saturated Earth.
They were just trying to breathe 
And get a little peace.
On their great journey 
Back to the place of their birth,
For a great amphibian orgy.
And one by one
They croaked.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Horrible things

Not when he swears
Not when he spits
Not when he hits
Not when he throws fits
Those are not horrible things
But when his tears flow
Down his sweet little cheeks
And I hear him speak 
Those horrible words
"I am a bad boy and I always do bad things."
That is the most horrible thing.

Blood Moon

Blood Moon
Total lunar eclipse 
April 15, 2014 3:43am
Some powerful magic 
I need to get some sleep
Maybe I can cast some spells in my dreams....

Thursday, April 10, 2014

How to stop being broken

Step outside into the sun
Kneel down onto the Earth
Wrap your hands around dried up shriveled old dead plants
Pull, rip and tear
Clear the away the old
Make way for the new
Put your hands in the dirt
Feel the cool moisture
And the soft texture
Use your hands 
and dig a shallow hole
Scoop the dirt out 
And push it aside
Notice the dirt under your fingernails
Take wildflower seeds
Pour them into your palm
Run your fingers through 
Feel the grainy texture
Sprinkle the seeds 
Into the hole you dug
Let yourself go
The pain swell
Let your tears flow
Let them drop 
One by one
Fall onto the seeds
You will be whole again
Fill the hole with dirt again
Give the Earth a gentle pat
As if it is your baby 
That you are tucking in at night
You are that baby
You are blessed
You are a wildflower 
You will dance in the sun

This fucking poem hurts


Sore muscles
Coffee with no sugar
Hey Sugar
that's MY bar-stool
Get the fuck off my bar-stool
This lake is man made
It's creation nearly
decimated the Grouse
They blamed the Ravens
For their claws and 
their swift wing-beat
But they were hungry
Now they are killing the Ravens
Before the snow comes
The fucking snow
The wolves returned to their homeland
And they killed them too
Those magestic creatures
Shot, ambled away
The ancestors of the armadillo
are rabbit and turtle
Rabbit raped turtle 
Mother Earth
Ravaged land
Addicted to fossil fuel
Fuck fossil fuel
Pour me another shot

Monday, April 7, 2014

Hate has an expiration date

Sea Monkeys are worthless 
The lowest of the low
Don't swim in my pool
Don't drink my water
Don't let them grow
Let them shrivel up
Let them burn
In the fire
Dry out
Hate Sea Monkeys.

Has an expiration date.

We don't believe, we only fear

At the edge of a precupice 
With no parachute 
No net 
Wanting to fly
We don't believe, we only fear

It's not my fault

In Certain Relationships brooding is mandatory
Because you knew better
Or at least you should have
Payed attention
Instead of ignoring the obvious
The truth is hard
And ugly

Friday, April 4, 2014

Removed from the troubles of every dayife.

Aware that her passing is eminent
the family gathers,
Removed from the troubles of everyday life.
Cherishing each moment.
Brothers hover over their culinary delights.
Cousins buzz around the spaces.
She gazes upon the faces 
of her two daughters.
Each in their way, her own reflections
Mother hurries to her,
Needing to be sure of her comfort.
There is agony,
 in my grandmother's heart.
Each day, each moment,
is precious from the start.
I find myself gazing at my aunt,
Memorizing her face,
Each line, the color of her eyes,
Shape of her smile and her brow
She is with us now.
So now, we share meals, pose for photos, and embrace often, 
Never missing a chance 
to express our affections.
Grasping at any chance 
to steal away moments with her.
To hold her hand, see her smile, 
and hear her voice.
Later that evening,
A room is filled with laughter 
over a lively game of charades.
Feeling drained, she retreats.
She wants to stay, 
but she hasn't a choice.

Here. Now.

Here I am holding this,
Little boy in green zipped up froggy jamas.
Who wants to nursy,
And just wiped away my kiss.
Tells me he loves me, and Lava girl
As I serve them both macaroni.
I am informed that Hercules used to be a spider, but now he's a boy.
Hercules is strong, and so is he.
They both are good boys.
Especially mine
Who just got a coin for his be-good piggy, "Shineya."
He tells me stories of Shark boy and Lava girl and how he saved the day.
My little super hero
Who wants a piggy back ride.
And as we mark his growth 
On the back of the door
He announces that he is growing fast
I want to slow down time


Thursday, April 3, 2014

Rhythm and Bleat

If it hadn't been for the bones 
we passed around the circle that night
Fire crackled and flared by the cliff side 
The little gypsy girl pointed to the sky
It was shooting star
Quietly, I sang a tune, alone
Sitting cross legged, Bo gave a sigh
His fingers gently plucked the guitar
The mother began to hum
Just lowly at first, and then high
Treetop swayed 
and a flute began to play
Chris's hand slapped onto the skin
A repetitive thump and swish
Of palm, fingers and thumb
Little gypsy danced, arms in the air, 
Skipping, wind in her hair
I took a deep breath
And the voices joined in
The rhythm of the drumbeat quickened
Our song was loud
There was a sound in the distance
Then in silence we listened
What was that strange sound
It wasn't a howl or a bark
No bird made that noise
Slowly and quietly, we began again.
A chant and a whistle, a song and a hum
circled around cracking flame and spark
Gradually, our voices raised 
to the beat of a drum
Then again in the distance,
from somewhere down in the revene
That sound we heard earlier 
from deep in the dark 
surrounded by aspens 
It wasn't an owl or even a wolf
That responded to the music 
of our campfire scene 
It wasn't a hoot or a howl 
but more of a grunt and a bleat
That joined in to our song 
at the crescendo of the drum beat
Each time we heard it 
in silence we'd listen 
What animal it was, we never could tell
Because the response to our silence,
Was silence as well.