Negus the dragon

Negus the dragon

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Change of heart

A little over 2 years ago my heart was badly broken. My dreams were shattered. I was pregnant with my son and I have never been so sad and angry in my life. The joy and excitement of my baby was the light in my darkness. I am so blessed that my sweet baby boy was a happy baby right from the start, smiling in his sleep within the first week of his life.
It has taken me a while to move past my anger and broken heart.
I suppose I am still not completely past it, but I do think I am moving forward. I really did feel like my world had been blown apart and my hopes and dreams were shattered. It really was a tragedy.
Since then, I have found that I have changed, so many of my hopes and dreams have changed. Now There is a toddler in my bed and I can't even imagine a grown man in my bed. The idea of falling in love feels like a fantasy.
My goals as a parent and my personal goals haven't changed dramatically. They have evolved a little, but overall I hope to be able to spend as much time with my son as possible and watch him grow while continuing creating my art and teaching. I want to live life with my son happily.
However, I no longer see myself in a partnership. I am going at this on my own.
Maybe some day I will feel differently. Maybe someday I will find someone that I can live with and be partners with and share my joys with.
Maybe I won't feel quite so alone.
Maybe love will come into my life.
Until then it's just me and Little Bill.
There are plenty of sad moments, frustration, tantrums, and lots of struggles with finances.
For the most part, its a life full of snuggles and nursies, rain boots and puddles, booboos and kisses, giggles and hugs, tickles and silly dances.
My life has been rearranged and my heart has definitely changed.

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