Right now

Right now, my sweet boy has a place that he calls "home". It isn't the home that I want for him, but none of that matters. Because right now, he has a yard to play in.  He climbs on the Japanese Maple saying, "Look at me! I'm a monkey!" I smile and sigh, trying to stay in the moment.  "Mommy! Play ball with me!" He calls to me as he drags out the plastic basketball hoop, a gift I gave him for his second birthday. Right now, we play in "his" yard in front of "his" house throwing a ball, blowing bubbles, and swinging from branches. These are precious moments because so much is uncertain.

Right now, my sweet son sleeps safely in a bed that he calls his own. His downy blonde hair rests on the pillows that I fluff with care at bedtime. 

Right now, I climb into our cozy bed, in our room, to dream of better times.

My first priority

Is to my own emotional and physical health.

And the emotional and physical health of my son.

My mom

My mom

Is good at stories 

Both fact

And fiction

She has written

Poems galore 

She has a real 

Way with words

My mom has 

Strong

Liberal political 

Ideals

She voted

for the right guy

My mother is 

Feminist

She has a talent 

for removing 

splinters

bandaging cuts,

And making butterfly 

Stitches

My mother

Is a fan of

My artwork

She owns 

And displays 

My creations 

With care

A backwards life

Everything is backwards. 

It breaks my heart.

My life is upside down.

I am so busy and preoccupied

With my ultimate goal

And my son looks for my attention

Getting in my face 

during important phone calls

Or while I am applying for 

A job or an apartment 

But I am trying to 

Get things done

Achieve a goal

So I put my hand in his face 

When I am on the phone

I tell him "No"

I cannot watch him

Do that trick

Or dance that dance

I am too busy

But I see the future.

I am desperate 

For my boy's attention

I want him to look at me

spend time with me

Maybe play a game of charades 

Or maybe watch a movie

But he is on the phone 

With his girlfriend 

Or a college admission office

And he is putting his hand 

up in my face

Telling me to go away

That he is to busy

And he is trying 

To accomplish something 

It will break my heart

All over again

Right now, I want 

Nothing more

Than to no longer be

Too busy 

Consumed by my goal

And to just be able to 

Not ever put my hand

In his face and tell him no

I just want to tell him 

Yes

And live right now.

Nothing is permanent

Maybe the trickiest thing 

is that I have magic 

flowing through my fingertips

yet every day

My magic is letting me down

my spells are backfiring

I recently considered 

what if...

I just stop casting?

maybe the magic 

in my spells

would finally take affect?

maybe I should just

blow out the candles

stop drawing my dreams

and just be still.

wait.

Maybe I am casting too much

and my power is getting drained

out of my fingertips

My spells are drying up

My spirit is parched

I am casting and casting 

and casting for change

for a better day

I could tell you

why it is just so hard

So hard to continue 

Trying to make a difference

When

so much seems permanent at the time

Pilose

Anna Margaret Harris

Born on July first 

1987

A sweet little thing 

She was soft 

With a bit of light 

Fuzz 

Covered her body 

A soft swirl 

Of delicate hair 

On her back 

The sweetest 

Softest 

Fuzz on the tips 

Of her ears 

She was covered 

In hair 

Especially soft hair 

The sweetest, softest 

Baby 

She was furry 

Pilose adj

Covered with hair, especially soft hair; furry

I Imagine a home

I imagine 

A sweet little house

With just enough space

It has a cozy fireplace 

The cat basks in the warm

There is a comfy chair 

That I can knit in

And the laundry room

Will have nothing on top of the dryer 

There is a small front porch

Just big enough for a swing

And it has hanging plants

And chimes blowing in the wind

A yard just big enough

For a climbing tree

And maybe a tire swing

With a nice dog

Plenty of flowers

There is a space for 

a vegetable garden

And some magical herbs

A handy wheelbarrow 

And a mucky compost pile

A car of my own

That is good in the winter

And a garage for parking

A studio for creating 

All forms of art

My pottery wheel

And a kiln

I teach art classes

To elementary and middle school 

At a school nearby

And classes out of my studio

To all ages of young people

The neighbors are nice

We visit sometimes

Maybe barbecue occasionally 

Or roast marshmallows 

In the backyard fire pit

I have time to spend with my son

He goes to a good school

And has nice friends

My son is involved in

A physical activity

Like karate, soccer, or gymnastics

He has musical studies in his life

Piano, drums, or maybe guitar 

We trick or treat on Halloween

we have creative costumes

Creatively carved pumpkins

Sit on our porch 

We go camping from time

With dancing and chanting

In the moonlight

We live a safe stable life

And we are happy